The character expresses a deep-seated fear and regret about their virginity, feeling that it's a curse that defines their fate. This longing is highlighted in their contemplation of a missed opportunity, where they consider the possibility of escaping their circumstances by being with someone, not for the sake of drugs, but for a more intimate connection.

This internal conflict underscores a desire for companionship and a deeper experience of life that they feel they are lacking. The mention of virginity symbolizes their emotional and social struggles, adding layers to their character as they grapple with their choices and what they truly want.