I'm trying... How could I put it? I'm trying to get far enough down the line so that I can remember. I stopped, then continued: so that I can remember without the pain killing meAnd the days were stacking up. And weeks. And months. It was now almost the middle of June and he'd died in February, but I still felt like I'd just woken from a horrible dream, that I was suspended in that stunned, paralyzed state between sleep and reality where I was grasping for, but couldn't get a handle on normality.
The protagonist reflects on their struggle to cope with the loss of a loved one, expressing a desire to eventually recall memories without the accompanying pain. As time passes, they note the transition from days to weeks to months since the death, indicating a slow progression through their grief. It feels as though they are caught in a limbo, reminiscent of waking from a distressing dream, unable to fully re-engage with reality.
This sense of paralysis leads to a longing for normalcy, yet the process of moving forward is fraught with difficulty. The remembrance of loss lingers heavily, inhibiting the ability to find peace while trying to reconcile the past with their present situation. The experience illustrates the profound impact of grief and the challenge of reclaiming one's life after such a significant loss.