I used to joke that we had prepared ourselves for a time like this by living with Mother. The problem with such a state of affairs was not that you did not get to do what you wanted---sometimes you did---but the effort to appease or resist the reigning deities left you so exhausted that it prevented you from ever really having fun. To this day having fun, just plain enjoying myself, comes at the cost of a conviction that I have committed an undetected crime.
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In "Things I've Been Silent About," Azar Nafisi reflects on the complexities of living under authority figures, drawing on her experience with her mother. She humorously suggests that her upbringing prepared her for challenging times, yet the constant struggle to either conform or rebel against these expectations drained her. The interplay of desires and obligations left little room for genuine enjoyment.
Nafisi reveals a deep-seated tension in her relationship with fun, feeling guilty as if enjoying herself were a hidden transgression. This underlying anxiety illustrates how the desire for compliance and the need for autonomy can clash, leading to a paradox where pleasure is overshadowed by feelings of wrongdoing.
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