I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The trade-off was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing.
The narrator reflects on the struggle of moving on from a past relationship that brings both pain and numbness. They have made a conscious effort not to think about their lost love, acknowledging the difficulty of this task but recognizing improvement over time. Slipping into memories is a human weakness, yet they find solace in the ability to distract themselves from the hurt.
However, this coping mechanism comes at a cost. While they manage to avoid emotional pain for longer periods, they also experience a persistent numbness that replaces vibrant feelings. The choice between enduring pain and feeling nothing leads them to prefer a state of emotional detachment, illustrating the complexities of healing from heartbreak.