I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I should any more. This made me sad and tired. Then I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I shouldn't, the way Doreen did, and this made me even sadder and more tired.
The quote expresses the narrator's struggle with feelings of sadness and exhaustion due to an inability to fully commit to either the virtuous or rebellious paths in life. She reflects on her inability to pursue the right choices, which weighs heavily on her, draining her energy and spirit.
Moreover, the narrator's envy of Doreen's carefree attitude emphasizes her internal conflict. Doreen's ability to indulge in behaviors that the narrator views as wrong brings about deeper feelings of despair, highlighting the complexity of her emotional turmoil as she navigates societal expectations and personal desires.