I would not have been able to articulate it at that time, but I had begun a painful journey toward an impossible goal, a journey that lasted a long time: how to love a God who hurts you.

I would not have been able to articulate it at that time, but I had begun a painful journey toward an impossible goal, a journey that lasted a long time: how to love a God who hurts you.

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This quote poignantly captures a profound internal struggle that many individuals face when grappling with their faith or spiritual beliefs, especially in the context of suffering. The "painful journey toward an impossible goal" reflects the emotional and spiritual turmoil involved in reconciling deep devotion to a higher power with the experience of feeling hurt or betrayed by that same source. It evokes a paradox that seems almost impossible to resolve: how can one continue to love an entity that causes pain? This conflict is not merely about religious doctrine but speaks to a universal human experience — learning to love even when love causes suffering or when the loved one disappoints us.

The phrase "I would not have been able to articulate it at that time" underscores the complexity and the personal evolution that such journeys demand. It suggests that understanding and acceptance evolve gradually, often requiring one to endure pain and confusion before clarity can be gained. This evolution can also be viewed as a metaphor for personal growth and healing, where the journey itself leads to a deeper, albeit more complicated, form of love that encompasses pain and imperfection.

In the context of Carol Lynn Pearson's book, which explores the emotional and spiritual conflicts in the hearts of Mormon women and men, this quote also highlights the challenges posed by religious expectations and doctrines, and the resilience required to maintain faith in them despite hardship. It invites readers to reflect on the nature of faith, love, and pain, and how these elements intertwine in a person's quest for meaning and connection.

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June 10, 2025

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