If I am not master of my life, not sultan of my own being, then no man's logic and no man's ecstatic fits may force me to find less silly my impossibly silly position: that of God's slave; no, not his slave even, but just a match which is aimlessly struck and then blown out by some inquisitive child, the terror of his toys.
In Vladimir Nabokov's "Despair," the protagonist grapples with a profound sense of disempowerment and existential confusion. He expresses a belief that if he lacks control over his own life and identity, then neither logic nor emotional experiences can reconcile him with what he perceives as his absurd existence. He feels trapped in a position where he is not just a servant to a higher power but rather reduced to a mere object, illustrating the helplessness of his situation.
The metaphor of being an aimless match extinguished by a child's curiosity highlights his sense of fragility and futility. It conveys a powerful image of being at the mercy of forces beyond his control, evoking a deep-seated fear of inadequacy and insignificance in the grand scheme of life. This internal struggle reflects a broader philosophical inquiry into autonomy and the nature of existence, ultimately questioning the very essence of being and freedom.
