If I was supposed to die over there doin what I'd give my word to do then that's what I should of done. You can tell it any way you want but that's the way it is. I should of done it and I didn't. And some part of me has never quit wishin I could go back. And I can't. I didn't know you could steal your own life. And I didn't know that it would bring you no more benefit than about anything else you might steal. I think I done the best with it I knew how but it still wasn't mine. It never has been.
The quote expresses a deep sense of regret and existential contemplation, reflecting on the idea of duty and personal sacrifice. The speaker contemplates what it means to fulfill one's obligations, suggesting that failing to do so weighs heavily on their conscience. They wrestle with the realization that choices and actions can feel like theft from one's true self and purpose, leading to a life that seems unfulfilled or borrowed. There’s an acknowledgment of a desire to return to the moment of decision, indicating a longing for redemption.
This introspection sheds light on broader themes within Cormac McCarthy's "No Country for Old Men," such as the struggle between fate and free will. The speaker grapples with the consequences of life choices, suggesting that some paths taken may lead to a permanent sense of loss or unworthiness. The exploration of identity in relation to one's actions reveals a poignant critique of how life can become an illusion of personal ownership, ultimately underscoring the profound complexities of human existence and morality.
