For most of her life, she has concealed her feelings, managing to keep her emotions locked away and hidden from others. This approach has served her well, allowing her to maintain control and stability in her life. However, she begins to feel her emotional defenses trembling, as if her protective shell is at risk of breaking apart. The fear of losing this armor and having her true feelings flood out is overwhelming for her.

She describes her emotional state as a big, powerful river that could suddenly gush forth if her defenses fail. The idea of her deep, hidden emotions spilling out—both positive and negative—scares her more than anything she has experienced. This vulnerability and fear of exposure mark a significant turning point in her emotional journey, highlighting her struggle with openness and the fear of losing control.