Is it a loss? Rachael repeated. I don't really know; I have no way to tell. How does it feel to have a child? How does it feel to be born, for that matter? We're not born; we don't grow up; instead of dying from illness or old age, we wear out like ants. Ants again; that's what we are. Not you; I mean me. Chitinous reflex-machines who aren't really alive. She twisted her head to one side, said loudly, I'm not alive!
In the excerpt, Rachael grapples with the concept of existence and what it truly means to be alive. She questions the nature of life, wonderingly pondering how one can determine the worth of having a child or even the experience of birth itself. This uncertain outlook suggests a deep sense of melancholy and confusion about her own identity and purpose.
Rachael draws an analogy between herself and ants, suggesting that like them, she is merely a machine operating on instinct rather than experiencing true life. Her declaration of not being alive resonates with themes of artificiality and the essence of humanity, a central concern in Philip K. Dick's work. The excerpt evokes a profound reflection on existence and the conditions that define what it means to be human.
