It was foul, and I loved it. I loved to perish. I loved my own - not that for which I erred, but the itself. Base, falling from Your firmament to utter destruction - not seeking anything through the shame but the shame itself!

It was foul, and I loved it. I loved to perish. I loved my own - not that for which I erred, but the itself. Base, falling from Your firmament to utter destruction - not seeking anything through the shame but the shame itself!

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This quote from Confessions by Saint Augustine of Hippo powerfully captures the paradoxical nature of human sin and our complex relationship with wrongdoing. Augustine's words reveal a startling internal honesty about the allure of sin—not because of its consequences or any external reward, but for the very sensation, the 'shame itself.' This suggests a profound insight into the human condition: the experience of sin is not merely a lapse or failure but often an act embraced for its own sake, despite... or perhaps because of its destructive implications. The imagery of falling from the firmament—a metaphor for a celestial or moral high place—to utter destruction evokes the consequences of such choices, yet Augustine admits not seeking anything beyond the shame itself. This self-destructive tendency speaks to the torment within the soul caught between desire and conscience.

Augustine’s reflection pushes readers to confront uncomfortable truths about their own inclinations: the possibility that sometimes, individuals might knowingly pursue paths that lead to harm simply because of an inexplicable attachment to the act itself, rather than any utilitarian benefit. This invites deeper contemplation about free will, repentance, and the psychological depths of guilt and love intertwined with sin. Ultimately, the quote is an eloquent confession about the contradictions in human nature—how we can be attracted to what we know is damaging, and how confession and self-awareness are critical steps toward understanding and transformation.

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May 24, 2025

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