Julian anticipated a life rich in love and passion, and often found it to be so. However, he struggled with a nagging doubt about the authenticity of his emotions, as he frequently observed himself from a distance, questioning if his expressions of love and desire were genuine or merely put on. This introspection left him feeling uncertain about the reality of his experiences.

His fear of loneliness weighed heavily on him, a concern that he might end up isolated. Despite his longing for connection, Julian felt unattractive to other boys, leading him to believe that he was not seen as desirable. This combination of self-doubt and fear of solitude created a complex emotional landscape for him.