Julian expected to be full of love and lust, and consequently usually was. He had an inconvenient habit of watching himself from a distance, and wondering whether the love and lust were strained and faked. He was afraid of being isolated and solitary, which he feared was his fate. He was certainly not himself an object of desire to other boys, as far as he knew-and he was knowing.
Julian anticipated a life rich in love and passion, and often found it to be so. However, he struggled with a nagging doubt about the authenticity of his emotions, as he frequently observed himself from a distance, questioning if his expressions of love and desire were genuine or merely put on. This introspection left him feeling uncertain about the reality of his experiences.
His fear of loneliness weighed heavily on him, a concern that he might end up isolated. Despite his longing for connection, Julian felt unattractive to other boys, leading him to believe that he was not seen as desirable. This combination of self-doubt and fear of solitude created a complex emotional landscape for him.
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All the things you can talk about in anyone's work are the things that are least important.
Race of Cain, ascend to heaven, And cast God down upon the earth!
