I swear to your Mercedes who could not hate her. On the contrary, the certainty that I had part in my misfortune left me a bittersweet aftertaste, which intensified the spell of his memory. It was evil - and it was even more over time, I vote to Christ - but it was beautiful. And just that collusion of evil and beauty, so linked to each other, caused me an intense fascination, a painful pleasure to suffer jobs and punish for its cause.
The narrator reflects on a deep connection to a person named Mercedes, whom they cannot bring themselves to hate, despite the misfortunes linked to her. This relationship brings a complex mix of emotions, where the recognition of personal involvement in their suffering triggers a bittersweet nostalgia. The memory carries both bitterness and beauty, creating an alluring yet tragic allure over time.
This interplay of beauty and evil captivates the narrator, leading to an intense fascination with the pain that stems from their experiences. There is a paradoxical pleasure found in suffering for the sake of this connection, suggesting a profound emotional conflict that intertwines love, loss, and the darker aspects of desire. The narrative explores the depths of such complex feelings and the way they can shape one's perspective on relationships and suffering.
