Mature love is loving, not being loved.

Mature love is loving, not being loved.

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This quote from Irvin D. Yalom's Existential Psychotherapy touches upon a profound distinction in understanding the essence of mature love. It suggests that the true nature of mature love lies in the act of giving love selflessly rather than in seeking to receive love from others. This perspective challenges the common inclination to desire reassurance or validation through being loved — instead, it emphasizes the autonomy and generosity embodied by loving itself.

In existential terms, this aligns with the idea of embracing responsibility for our own existence and authentic relationships. Mature love is not transactional or conditional; it is marked by the readiness to engage with another person fully and to offer love without any prerequisite demands or expectations of reciprocation. By focusing on loving, the individual affirms their own capacity for connection and vulnerability, which are fundamental for genuine intimacy.

Furthermore, this view dismantles the notion that our emotional well-being depends solely on external validation. It highlights an existential truth: that love, when mature, is liberating rather than confining, providing a foundation of strength not hinged on others' actions but on our own conscious decision to care. In practical life, this can lead to more meaningful and less dependent relationships where love flourishes in freedom and authenticity.

Overall, this reflective statement invites us to reconsider the motivations behind our affectionate gestures and to embrace love as an active, intentional practice rather than a reactive state of yearning. It underscores a healthy emotional posture central to human flourishing — giving love without strings attached.

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May 26, 2025

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