In this reflective moment, the character grapples with the weight of her feelings for Edward, acknowledging the possibility of saving him but recognizing the futility of believing that this act would change their relationship. She understands that despite any courageous efforts to save him, she remains unchanged in his eyes, lacking any inherent worth that would make him desire her more.

The pain of potentially seeing Edward again, only to lose him once more, is a heavy burden she must bear. She resolves to accept this emotional toll as part of her struggle, willing to endure the heartache if it means she can secure his life. This acceptance highlights her deep love and determination, even in the face of inevitable suffering.