Maybe, if I were very, very, lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edward. But I wasn't so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him. I was no different, no more special than I'd been before. There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again . . .I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. I would pay it.
In this reflective moment, the character grapples with the weight of her feelings for Edward, acknowledging the possibility of saving him but recognizing the futility of believing that this act would change their relationship. She understands that despite any courageous efforts to save him, she remains unchanged in his eyes, lacking any inherent worth that would make him desire her more.
The pain of potentially seeing Edward again, only to lose him once more, is a heavy burden she must bear. She resolves to accept this emotional toll as part of her struggle, willing to endure the heartache if it means she can secure his life. This acceptance highlights her deep love and determination, even in the face of inevitable suffering.
