In the excerpt from "Lord John and the Hand of Devils" by Diana Gabaldon, the character reflects on the uncertainty of ever seeing Jamie Fraser again. He grapples with the fear of death and the possibility of being regarded as cowardly. Feeling overwhelmed by emotions, he is driven to express his feelings through writing, yet the words do not translate well onto the page due to his internal turmoil.

Ultimately, he decides not to dwell on these sentiments and destroys the evidence of his confession by burning the paper. This act signifies a struggle between vulnerability and the desire to conceal his true emotions, highlighting the intensity of his feelings for Jamie, even if he feels powerless to articulate them fully.