Might he ever see Jamie Fraser again? There was a good chance he would not. If chance did not kill him, cowardice might. The mania of confession was on him; best make the most of it. His quill had dried; he did not dip it again. I love you, he wrote, the strokes light and fast, making scarcely a mark upon the paper, with no ink. I wish it were not so. Then he rose, scooped up the scribbled papers, and, crushing them into a ball, threw them into the fire.
In the excerpt from "Lord John and the Hand of Devils" by Diana Gabaldon, the character reflects on the uncertainty of ever seeing Jamie Fraser again. He grapples with the fear of death and the possibility of being regarded as cowardly. Feeling overwhelmed by emotions, he is driven to express his feelings through writing, yet the words do not translate well onto the page due to his internal turmoil.
Ultimately, he decides not to dwell on these sentiments and destroys the evidence of his confession by burning the paper. This act signifies a struggle between vulnerability and the desire to conceal his true emotions, highlighting the intensity of his feelings for Jamie, even if he feels powerless to articulate them fully.
