Most days, for the last dozen or so years, I attributed to Charlie, or at least to our breakup, most things that have gone wrong for me. Like: I wouldn't have packed in college; I wouldn't have gone to work in Record and Tape; I wouldn't have had an unsatisfactory personal life. This is the woman who broke my heart, who ruined my life, this woman is single-handedly responsible for my poverty and directionlessness and failure, the woman I dreamed about regularly for a good five years.
For over a decade, the narrator has blamed Charlie, or their breakup, for the many misfortunes in his life. He reflects on how her influence led to his choices, such as leaving college, taking a job in the music industry, and experiencing dissatisfaction in his personal life. In his mind, Charlie embodies the source of his heartbreak and failures, making her responsible for his struggles with poverty and lack of direction.
This fixation on Charlie reflects a deep emotional turmoil, as he often dreams about her, indicating that she has left a lasting impact on him. His narrative implies a strong connection between personal relationships and life outcomes, suggesting that unresolved feelings can lead to a cycle of blame and regret. Ultimately, it reveals the complexity of love, loss, and the search for meaning in the aftermath of a significant breakup.
