One gets so used to one's own horrors, one forgets how they must seem to other people.

One gets so used to one's own horrors, one forgets how they must seem to other people.

📖 Diane Setterfield

🌍 British  |  👨‍💼 Author

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This quote highlights the often unnoticed dissonance between our internal experiences and how others perceive us. When we carry burdens, secrets, or personal struggles—what we might term 'horrors'—we tend to become habituated to them. These inner demons or uncomfortable truths become normalized in our daily lives, shaping our perceptions and responses in ways that are invisible to us. However, to an outsider—someone who observes the outward expression without the same internal narrative—these struggles can appear startling, troubling, or even incomprehensible.

In the context of Diane Setterfield's novel, '(The Thirteenth Tale),' this notion resonates deeply. Characters grapple with their hidden pasts, secrets they deem monstrous or shameful, yet they grow so accustomed to their inner darkness that they no longer question its presence. The irony lies in the fact that the more we cushion ourselves within our private horrors, the more detached we become from the impact they have on others’ understanding of us. This internal blindness can hinder empathy, prevent meaningful connection, and perpetuate cycles of loneliness.

The quote prompts introspection: Are we truly aware of how our unseen struggles influence our words and actions? More importantly, it calls us to recognize the importance of empathy, to consider how our own 'horrors' might look or feel to someone else. Recognizing this gap can foster greater compassion and insight, encouraging us to be more transparent with our vulnerabilities. It’s a sobering reminder that our internal worlds are not visible to others—they see only the surface—yet what lies beneath can fundamentally shape both our identity and our relationships.

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June 24, 2025

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