Praising and encouraging are very close to pushing, and when you do that you are trying again to take control of his life. Think about why you are lauding something he's done. Is it to help raise his self-esteem? That's manipulation. Is it so he will continue whatever behavior you're praising? That's manipulation. Is it so that he'll know how proud you are of him? That can be a burden for him to carry. Let him develop his own pride from his own accomplishments.
In "Women Who Love Too Much," Robin Norwood emphasizes the fine line between encouragement and manipulation in relationships. She argues that when praise is used to control or influence someone's behavior, it undermines their autonomy. It's crucial to reflect on our motivations for praising others; if the intent is to boost their self-esteem or to elicit certain behaviors, it can be seen as a form of manipulation, rather than genuine support.
Moreover, Norwood highlights the burden that constant praise can impose on individuals. Rather than relying on external validation, it's important for people to cultivate pride from their own achievements. By allowing individuals to find satisfaction in their personal accomplishments without the weight of others' expectations, we empower them to grow and feel valued independently.
