Reality is what I make it. That is what I have said I believed. Then I look at the hell I am wallowing in, nerves paralyzed, action nullified - fear, envy, hate: all the corrosive emotions of insecurity biting away at my sensitive guts. Time, experience: the colossal wave, sweeping tidal over me, drowning, drowning. How can I ever find that permanence, that continuity with past and future, that communication with other human beings that I crave? Can I ever honestly accept an artificial imposed solution? How can I justify, how can I rationalize the rest of my life away?
The speaker reflects on their belief that reality is shaped by their own perspective. However, they find themselves trapped in a painful existence, feeling paralyzed by negative emotions such as fear and envy. These feelings erode their sense of self and well-being, making them question their ability to create a meaningful life amidst the chaos they experience.
They express a deep longing for stability and connection with others, feeling overwhelmed by the passage of time and the weight of personal struggles. The individual grapples with the idea of accepting societal norms or solutions that feel artificial, questioning how they can justify their life choices moving forward. This introspection reveals a profound conflict between personal desires and external expectations.
