Received a gift - it was the first decent piece of instruction about marriage I had ever been given in my twenty-five years of life. Does your husband make you a better person? Edra asked. There I was in that sky-blue pool beneath a bright blue sky, my fingers breaking apart the light on the water, and I had no idea what she was talking about. Are you smarter, kinder, more generous, more compassionate, a better writer? she said, running down her list. Does he make you better? That's not the question, I said. It's so much more complicated than that. It's not more complicated than that.

Received a gift - it was the first decent piece of instruction about marriage I had ever been given in my twenty-five years of life. Does your husband make you a better person? Edra asked. There I was in that sky-blue pool beneath a bright blue sky, my fingers breaking apart the light on the water, and I had no idea what she was talking about. Are you smarter, kinder, more generous, more compassionate, a better writer? she said, running down her list. Does he make you better? That's not the question, I said. It's so much more complicated than that. It's not more complicated than that.

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This quote beautifully captures the nuanced nature of personal growth within the context of a relationship, particularly marriage. It presents a poignant moment of realization: how do we assess the impact of a significant other on our own development? The question "Does your husband make you a better person?" is deceptively simple, yet it invites a deep reflection on what ‘better’ really means. The narrator’s initial confusion reflects the complexity of love and partnership—it extends beyond ticking off virtues like being smarter, kinder, or more compassionate.

What resonates strongly is the tension between perceived complexity and simplicity in relationships. The narrator insists that the question is "so much more complicated than that," only to be countered with "It's not more complicated than that." This interplay reveals the paradox at the core of marriage: while the dynamics can feel overwhelmingly intricate, the core of our mutual growth is simple—are we improving because of each other?

Moreover, this moment serves as an insightful piece of guidance about relationships. Growth and improvement aren’t always straightforward or visible, yet they are essential indicators of a healthy partnership. This quote encourages introspection about whether our relationships foster genuine personal development. It emphasizes the transformative power spouses can have and nudges us to be mindful of how our connections shape who we are. In essence, it’s a subtle yet profound lesson on the foundational question of any meaningful relationship.

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May 28, 2025

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