We prayed for emptiness, to become worthy of being filled: grace, love, self -denial, semen and children. Oh, God, king of the universe, thanks for not having made me a man. Oh God, destroy me. Make me fertile. Mortifies my flesh so that I can multiply. Allows me to do me ...
The quoted passage reflects a deep yearning for transformation and fulfillment, expressing a desire to be emptied of self to be filled with higher virtues like grace and love. This longing contrasts with the frustrations of identity and societal roles, particularly in the context of gender, as the speaker expresses gratitude for not being male while simultaneously yearning for fertility and the ability to create life.
This inner conflict demonstrates the complexities of female identity, self-denial, and the desire for agency within a restrictive society. The invocation of divine intervention suggests a plea for liberation and the ability to embrace one's full potential, both physically and spiritually, highlighting the struggle for empowerment and the profound desire for connection and purpose.
