She also wants the freedom to be able to act as she deems appropriate, without fearing or dreading the feedback, the sensing the disapproval and disappointment. Of always letting him down. Of having to check herself. She doesn't want any more cold air between them, but mostly she doesn't like to have to second-guess herself at a job that she knows she's more than capable of doing.
The character expresses a deep desire for autonomy in her actions, longing to make decisions without the burden of external judgment or the fear of disappointing others. She feels constrained by the pressure to constantly monitor her behavior and yearns for an authentic connection without emotional distance between her and those around her.
She is frustrated by the necessity of second-guessing herself, especially in a role where she recognizes her own competence. The tension she feels is rooted in the constant need to navigate others' expectations, and she seeks liberation from that constraint to fulfill her potential confidently.
