She'd convinced herself that Subhash was her rival, and that she was in competition for him for Bela, a competition that felt insulting, unjust. But of course it had not been a competition, it had been her own squandering. Her own withdrawal, covert, ineluctable. With her own hand she'd painted herself into a corner, and then out of the picture altogether
In Jhumpa Lahiri's "The Lowland," the character grapples with internal conflict, believing that Subhash is a rival for Bela's affection. This perception of competition feels unfair and deeply frustrating to her, leading to a sense of betrayal. However, she ultimately realizes that this rivalry is a product of her own choices and actions.
Her withdrawal from relationships is both gradual and self-imposed, illustrating a struggle against her own emotions. By distancing herself, she has excluded herself from the dynamics of love and connection, resulting in a profound sense of isolation and regret.