She felt really quite unequal to the tedious process of reconciliation which, in view of the fact that she was sorry, seemed to her highly unnecessary, like some legal routine or the difficulty of getting passports. Her interest in expiation quickly vanished in the face of its actuality.
The protagonist struggles with the tedious task of reconciling her feelings, feeling overwhelmed and unprepared for the emotional labor it entails. She perceives the process as unnecessary, akin to bureaucratic tasks that drain her motivation and enthusiasm for resolving her internal conflict.
As she contemplates the need for expiation, her initial interest fades when confronted with the reality of what it would require. This highlights the disparity between her feelings of guilt and the pragmatic challenges of seeking resolution, emphasizing her reluctance to engage in the difficult journey of reconciliation.
