She imagines him imagining her. This is her salvation.In spirit she walks the city, traces its labyrinths, its dingy mazes: each assignation, each rendezvous, each door and stair and bed. What he said, what she said, what they did, what they did then. Even the times they argued, fought, parted, agonized, rejoined. How they'd loved to cut themselves on each other, taste their own blood. We were ruinous together, she thinks. But how else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin?
The protagonist reflects on her past relationship with a sense of nostalgia and pain. She envisions her partner's thoughts and memories, finding solace in the idea that they once shared an intense connection. As she wanders through the city in her mind, she revisits every significant moment they experienced together, from joyful encounters to painful arguments, highlighting the complexity of their bond. Their interactions, filled with passion and turmoil, left a profound mark on her psyche.
She acknowledges the destructive nature of their love, recognizing that they both willingly inflicted emotional wounds on each other. Despite the turmoil, she ponders the nature of love and existence, questioning if it is possible to live fully without experiencing some form of ruin. This reflection suggests that the beauty of life is often tangled with its inherent chaos, and perhaps loving fiercely, with all its trials, is a necessary part of their shared human experience.
