In the scene described, the protagonist observes the hands of another character, noting their pale, square shape and short fingers adorned with neatly trimmed nails and fine hair. This observation stirs unexpected feelings of desire within her, which she finds surprising and somewhat shameful. She reflects on how this attraction feels immature, likening it to a teenage crush on a teacher who offers encouragement.

Jordan chastises herself for these feelings, recognizing them as a sign of emotional weakness. The internal conflict highlights her struggle to reconcile her desires with her self-perception, showing a moment of vulnerability and self-awareness. This juxtaposition between her admiration and her self-criticism reveals a deeper complexity in her character.