The search for myself is ended. I am buried in the world, I knew I would find my place there one day, the old world cloisters me, victorious. I am happy, I knew I would be happy one day. But I am not wise. For the wise thing now would be to let go, at this instant of happiness. And what do I do? I go back again to the light, to the fields I so longed to love, to the sky all astir with little white clouds as white and light as snowflakes, to the life I could never manage, through my own fault perhaps, through pride, or pettiness, but I don't think so.
In the reflection presented, the narrator expresses a sense of contentment after a long search for identity and belonging. They feel at peace within the world, acknowledging that this sense of success has brought them happiness. However, there is an underlying awareness that this happiness may not be accompanied by wisdom, as letting go of such moments could be the wiser choice. Despite recognizing this, the narrator finds themselves drawn back to cherished memories of nature and a life that eluded them, contemplating the complexities of their past choices.
This inner conflict highlights the struggle between the desire for fulfillment and the difficulty of truly embracing the present. The narrator’s return to memories of fresh fields and bright skies suggests a yearning for a simpler, more authentic existence, one that may be intertwined with regrets. They reflect on the error of their ways, though they don't fully attribute their challenges to personal failings, hinting at a deeper exploration of self and the human experience. The passage captures the tension between satisfaction and the quest for deeper meaning in life.
