The protagonist reflects on the irony of her situation, lying awake and desiring something unattainable while also mourning the loss of something she once wished to be rid of. This conflict reveals her internal struggle and highlights the complexity of human emotions, where desires and losses often clash. It's a poignant reminder that one's aspirations can shift dramatically over time.

This realization prompts her to consider the futility of her adaptability, as it does not bring her fulfillment or peace. Instead, it underscores the frustration of longing for what is out of reach while grappling with the remnants of the past. In this way, the narrative delves into the challenges of navigating one's feelings and the elusive nature of true satisfaction.