[Markdown format]

This excerpt from Hanya Yanagihara's A Little Life delves into the complex relationship between intimacy, time, and self-perception. The protagonist's conscious effort to stop counting the duration of their sexual activity reveals a deeper psychological struggle. When we quantify moments that are inherently emotional or physical, it often signifies an attempt to measure their significance, control, or to diminish feelings of vulnerability. The act of trying not to count suggests a desire to let go of the mathematical rigor imposed on something deeply personal and fluctuate with genuine emotion rather than numbers.

The metaphor of a prison term attached to his sexual life is particularly striking. It implies that the protagonist may experience his sexuality as something restrictive or burdened—possibly due to internal conflicts, past traumas, or societal pressures. Viewing intimacy in terms of a 'prison' signifies feelings of entrapment, shame, or a need for liberation. Nonetheless, the recognition that he is working toward its completion hints at an ongoing process of reconciliation—perhaps seeking freedom from these internal constraints or hoping for a future where love and sexuality are not measured or sanitized.

This internal battle reflects broader themes of the novel: the struggle for authentic emotional connection amidst pain and the effort to find relief or meaning outside of self-imposed limitations. The subtlety in Yanagihara’s prose captures the intricacies of human vulnerability. The act of suppressing counting may symbolize an attempt to embrace the unpredictability of life and love, instead of meticulously tracking the inevitable. In essence, it is about the human yearning to transcend personal histories of injury or suppression and to experience intimacy unshackled by the echoes of the past, seeking a more genuine, less circumscribed existence.

The quote powerfully illustrates that emotional growth often involves confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves, especially around issues of self-control and vulnerability, highlighting the internal journeys we undertake to find peace and authenticity.

—Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life