To this point, he could not really have said that he loved William. Feel the terror of responsibility for him, yes. Carry thought of him like a gem in his pocket, certainly, reaching now and then to touch it, marveling. But now he felt the perfection of the tiny bones of William's spine through his clothes, smooth as marbles under his fingers, smelled the scent of him, rich with the incense of innocence and the faint tang of shit and clean linen. And thought his heart would break with love.
In this passage, the narrator reflects on his complex feelings toward William. Initially, he struggles to articulate love, feeling instead a deep sense of responsibility and protection for the boy. This responsibility manifests in a physical connection, as he cherishes William like a precious gem, frequently reaching out to feel that bond.
As he holds William, the narrator experiences a profound emotional shift. The tactile sensation of the boy's spine and the smell of his innocence evoke a powerful love within him, one that threatens to overwhelm him. This moment highlights the transition from mere duty to an intense, almost heartbreaking affection, illustrating the depth of their relationship.
