Two and a half years ago I'd learned to stop wanting comfort from the people around me, because they couldn't give it. We were all too scared. I was terrified and so were they. No one could understand what was happening to me, and when they couldn't make me better they felt helpless and guilty and eventually resentful. Yes, they loved me, my head knew that even if my heart couldn't feel it, but there was a small part of them that was angry. As if it was my choice to become depressed and that I was deliberately resisting the medication that was meant to fix me.
The narrator reflects on a painful journey through depression, realizing that seeking comfort from those around her was futile. This realization came from understanding that her loved ones were also consumed by fear and helplessness in the face of her struggle. Their inability to provide the support she needed led to feelings of guilt and resentment, which complicated their relationships. While her mind acknowledged their love, her heart felt disconnected from those emotions, adding to her sense of isolation.
This struggle highlights the complexity of mental illness, where the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding it can place a burden not only on the afflicted but also on their loved ones. The narrator expresses a deep sense of being trapped by her condition, grappling with the misconception that she chose this path. Despite the impacts of depression, the emotional and relational turmoil experienced by both the individual and their support system underscores the intricate dynamics of mental health struggles.
