...Van tortured himself with thoughts of insufficient filial affection-a long story of unconcern, amused scorn, physical repulsion, and habitual dismissal. He looked around, making wild amends, willing her spirit to give him an unequivocal, and indeed all-deciding sign, of continued being behind the veil of time, beyond the flesh of space. But no response came, not a petal fell on his bench, not a gnat touched his hand.
Van is tormented by feelings of inadequacy in his relationship with his family, reflecting on a history filled with neglect and rejection. His mind races with memories of being dismissed and feeling a deep physical repulsion, which indicates a profound disconnection from his loved ones. In his search for reconciliation, he yearns for a sign that his loved one still exists beyond the physical realm, hoping that some form of communication or acknowledgment will validate his feelings.
Despite his longing for a connection, Van is met with silence from the universe, as no signs or symbols appear to affirm his hopes. This sense of abandonment deepens his anguish, emphasizing the chasm between his desires and the reality of his relationships. Ultimately, his internal struggle showcases the profound impact of familial ties and the weight of unresolved emotions that linger beyond life.
