The character grapples with conflicting emotions, illustrating a desire to embrace madness as a means of personal strength. She believes that pushing her limits would transform her into a more determined individual, much like the man who loves her, who embodies a reckless spirit. This inner struggle reflects her longing for growth and transformation despite the chaos it may bring.
Her thoughts reveal a deep yearning for change, suggesting that embracing recklessness might lead to a newfound sense of identity. The juxtaposition of madness and strength highlights the complexities of her character and her desire to break free from limitations, ultimately reflecting her quest for empowerment and self-discovery.