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» Recently updated quotes
Recently updated quotes
Carl Hiaasen
Eventually Garcia asked what it was like to work in a nude dance club. Shad puffed out a heavy grunt. 'After a while, you don't notice.''Come on.''Really. I'm to the point where I get excited when they put their clothes on. That's what happens after too long.'Garcia said, 'I know guys who would kill for your job.''They can have it. Being around naked women all day is bad for your outlook. After a while it's just tits and ass and nothing special. Like if you worked an assembly line making Ferraris. Before long, they're just cars and that's all.
Carl Hiaasen
Miklos said he's applied to be night clerk at a Ramada Inn near the beach. He said the waiting list was two pages long. 'But I got more experience than most.''You're not kidding,' Garcia said. 'Good luck with that job.''Thank you,' Miklos said. 'Good luck with your murder.
Carl Hiaasen
As she grew older, Erin accepted the fact that her mother was a restless gold digger who would never be happy, never be satisfied. On the other hand, her husbands knew exactly what they were getting and didn't seem to care. It taught Erin one of life's great lessons: an attractive woman could get whatever she wanted, because men were so laughably weak.
Carl Hiaasen
Only Indian tribes are allowed to run casino operations in Florida, so Dusty somehow persuaded a couple of rich Miccosukees from Miami to buy the marina and make it part of their reservation. Dad said the government raised a stink but later backed off because the Indians had better lawyers.
Carl Hiaasen (author)
As a manager of so-called talent, he was demoralized to find himself in such low company, sitting between an armed crackpot and a fake chicken farmer known to millions as "Captain Cock." Back home in Beverly Hills, rival agents were dining with classy A-listers such as Javier Bardem and the Cohen Brothers, or so Coolman bitterly imagined.
Carl Hiaasen (author)
Yancy might have found humor in the bourbon-soaked TV version of rural Southern life, if Buck was just another harmless stooge. But he wasn't. He was a septic inspiration to impressionable mouth-breathers such as Benny the Blister.
Carl Hiaasen
Buck stared at this degenerate ambassador for his own popularity, wondering how many other Brethren fans were homicidal, nutjob stalkers.
Carl Hiaasen
So that's your man? The 'talent' you manage?''He had a bad night.' Coolman said tightly.Merry cackled. 'A bad night? The dude's a total homophobe! Also a bigot!''There's a culture gap, that's all.''No, it's a decency gap, Bob! Your client's a flaming a-hole! What's the matter with you? I'm so disappointed.'Coolman had received other morality lectures, though never from a professional criminal.
Carl Hiaasen
Buck got walloped by flying fists and Budweiser bottles, and at one point a man costumed as Lady Gaga attempted to rip the beard from his chin. The man was surprisingly strong, and wore just enough jasmine perfume to be distracting.
Carl Hiaasen
Soon enough it was explained to Buck Nance that Key West was a bad location to be making fun of homosexuals, and also African-Americans. This bulletin was delivered by a 275-pound biker who happened to be both gay and black, and owned a right hand that fit easily around Buck's stringy, hirsute neck.
Carl Hiaasen
Congratulations. A new low.
Carl Hiaasen
The whereabouts of the other Nance brothers-- Clee Roy, Buddy, and Junior--had been ascertained. They were chilling at the forty-acre Pensacola estate leased by the network and used as an outdoor set for the fractious family barbecue scenes that closed each episode. Down the road a stretch was the rooster farm, which the clan avoided except during taping days, because of the stench.
Carl Hiaasen
The writers had decided that Buck Nance's brothers should refer to him as 'Captain Cock' when quarreling on the show, and inevitably the sleeveless t-shirt bearing that nickname became the top seller of all Bayou Brethren merchandise.
Carl Hiaasen
Burnout is common because of the long hours, the crummy pay and the depressing nature of so much of what we write. As the saying goes, they never send us to the airport when the plane lands safely.
Carl Hiaasen
Ellis dutifully opens the top half of the bisected lid... and there's Jimmy Stoma. All things considered, he looks pretty darn spiffy. Better, in fact, than he did on some of his album covers. He's so lean and fit, you wouldn't guess he once outweighed Meat Loaf.
Carl Hiaasen
Nobody with a living brain cell goes into the newspaper business for the money. They're in it because digging up the truth is interesting and consequential work, and for sheer entertainment it beats the hell out of humping product for GE or Microsoft.
Carl Hiaasen
The answer is, nothing's going to happen to you. The friend who called, he put in a good word.''Oh, yeah?''Jail will not make an impression on this woman. Don't waste your time.' That's a quote.
Carl Hiaasen
Sparky Harper and the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce adored travel writers because travel writers never wrote stories about street crime, water pollution, fish kills, beach erosion, refugees, AIDS epidemics, nuclear accidents, cocaine smugglers, gun-runners, or race riots. Once in a while, a daring travel writer would mention one of these subjects in passing, but strictly in the context of a minor setback from which South Florida was pluckily rebounding.
Carl Hiaasen
Damn it, Billy, you did it again. People don't buy townhouses on 'canals'. 'Canal' is a dirty word. A canal is where raw sewage goes. A canal is where ducks fuck and cattle piss. Who'd want to live on a damn canal? Would you pay a hundred fifty grand to do that? No. You'd want to live on a lake. A cool, scenic lake. And lakes is what we're selling here.''I understand, the vice president said. Lakes it is then. Straight, narrow lakes. Lakes you could toss a stone across. Lakes of identical finger-like dimensions.
Carl Hiaasen
Merry's hair was flying everywhere so she pulled it into a ponytail. It occurred to Yancy that, in the time they'd known each other, he hadn't once seen her look at her cell phone. She never texted, tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, or posted a single picture when they were together. He found this behavior alluring.
Carl Hiaasen
During the last days of his governorship, Clinton Tyree had lobbied for a somewhat tougher law. His version would have required anyone who killed a manatee to immediately forfeit his boat {no matter how luxurious} and pay a ten-thousand dollar fine or go to jail for forty-five days. The Tyree Amendment would have also required the manatee killer to bury the dead animal himself, at a public ceremony. Not surprisingly, the governor's proposal was quietly rejected.
Carl Hiaasen
He was gone, unglued, lost in a pathetic blubbering panic.
Carl Hiaasen
In all the years, only one person had been foolhardy enough to try to fight Trooper Jim Tile. The boy's name was Dekle, and he was eighteen, as big and white as a Frigidaire, and just about as intelligent.
Carl Hiaasen
Quit being an asshole, Nicky. You weren't in the medical care business, you were in the stealing business.
Carl Hiaasen
His face appeared to have been massaged with an industrial cheese grater and then retouched with a glue gun.
Carl Hiaasen
Okay, I'll adopt a kid. That would be huge. No, three kids! Tell Maury to get all over it.''Honey, no,' Janet Bunterman said. She endeavored to squelch the idea without stating the obvious: that her daughter was unfit to care for a goldfish, much less a child.
Carl Hiaasen
Janet Bunterman had no reason to believe her husband, who for several years had been carrying on a relationship with a bisexual Danish couple who owned a consignment shop in Pasadena. Sometimes he accompanied them on long weekends to Ojai or Moab. Janet Bunterman tolerated Ned Bunterman's antics because he did a semi-competent job of managing their daughter's earnings, and because Janet herself was sweatily involved with her thirty year old tennis instructor.
Carl Hiaasen
I thought this was supposed to be a class neighborhood, what they call upscale. Hell, I live in a trailer park, and I wouldn't let my dogs take a leak on somebody's personal vee-hicle.
Carl Hiaasen
In appearance though, Darrell seemed anything but a criminal. Erin was still naive enough to believe that all crooks had bad teeth, greasy hair and jailhouse tattoos. She assumed that cleancut, good-looking men enjoyed the same natural advantages as cleancut, good-lucking women: the world treated you better, and consequently there was no reason for unwholesome behavior.
Carl Hiaasen
and a surly young burglar {handcuffed to his chair} who'd been bitten by a police dog in a very sensitive area of his body.
More »
Popular quotes
Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks it would take his teeth out now, but he would eat it anyhow, if it meant eating it with her.
by Mitch Albom
All our human endeavours are like that, she reflected, and it is only because we are too ignorant to realize it, or are too forgetful to remember it, that we have the confidence to build something that is meant to last.
by Alexander McCall Smith
The value of money is subjective, depending on age. At the age of one, one multiplies the actual sum by 145,000, making one pound seem like 145,000 pounds to a one-year-old. At seven – Bertie's age – the multiplier is 24, so that five pounds seems like 120 pounds. At the age of twenty four, five pounds is five pounds; at forty five it is divided by 5, so that it seems like one pound and one pound seems like twenty pence. {All figures courtesy of Scottish Government Advice Leaflet: Handling your Money.}
by Alexander McCall Smith
In fact, none of us knows how he ever managed to get his LLB in the first place. Maybe they're putting law degrees in cornflakes boxes these days.
by Alexander McCall Smith
Look, if you say that science will eventually prove there is no God, on that I must differ. No matter how small they take it back, to a tadpole, to an atom, there is always something they can't explain, something that created it all at the end of the search. And no matter how far they try to go the other way – to extend life, play around with the genes, clone this, clone that, live to one hundred and fifty – at some point, life is over. And then what happens? When the life comes to an end? I shrugged. You see? He leaned back. He smiled. When you come to the end, that's where God begins.
by Mitch Albom
Small towns are like metronomes; with the slightest flick, the beat changes.
by Mitch Albom
You say you should have died instead of me. But during my time on earth, people died instead of me, too. It happens every day. When lightning strikes a minute after you are gone, or an airplane crashes that you might have been on. When your colleague falls ill and you do not. We think such things are random. But there is a balance to it all. One withers, another grows. Birth and death are part of a whole.
by Mitch Albom
we get so many lives between birth and death. A life to be a child. A life to come of age. A life to wander, to settle, to fall in love, to parent, to test our promise, to realize our mortality-and, in some lucky cases, to do something after that realization.
by Mitch Albom
Where there's bluster, thinks Luisa, there's duplicity
by David Mitchell
But an ink brush, she thinks, is a skeleton key for a prisoner's mind.
by David Mitchell
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