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Book: How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything!
Quotes of Book: How To Stubbornly Refuse To
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  1. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    Annabel, one of my clients who cherished her perfectionism because she felt that it made her a fine writer and an excellent mother, was having a hard time with some of David Burns's teachings against perfectionism in his book, Feeling Good. Dr. Burns, she thought, told her to give up all ideal goals and stick only to realistic and average ones. Then she couldn't be disappointed or depressed.
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  2. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    this belief realistic? Is it opposed to the facts of life? Is this belief logical? Is it contradictory to itself or to my other beliefs? Can I prove this belief? Can I falsify it? Does this belief prove that the universe has a law of deservingness or undeservingness? If I act well, do I completely deserve a good life, and if I act badly, do I totally deserve a bad existence? If I continue to strongly hold the belief {and to have the feelings and do the acts it often creates}, will I perform well, get the results I want to get, and lead a happier life? Or will holding it tend to make me less happy?
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  3. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    you create severe anxiety when you jump from inclination to "musturbation.
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  4. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    Science, as I pointed out in the previous chapter, is flexible and nondogmatic. It sticks to facts and to reality {which always can change} and to logical thinking {which does not contradict itself and hold two opposite views at the same time}. But it also avoids rigid all-or-none and either/or thinking and sees that reality is often two sided and includes contradictory events and characteristics. Thus, in my relations with you, I am not a totally good person or a bad person but a person who sometimes treats you well and sometimes treats you badly. Instead of viewing world events in a rigid, absolute way, science assumes that such events, and especially human affairs, usually follow the laws of probability."
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  5. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    You mainly make yourself needlessly and neurotically miserable by strongly holding absolutist irrational Beliefs {iBs}, especially by rigidly believing unconditional shoulds, oughts, and musts.
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  6. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    REBT's Insight No. 1 holds that you have both healthy and unhealthy emotions
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  7. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    You can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only-and I mean only-to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you were never-and I mean never-to stray into unrealistic demands that your desires have to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb, really disturb, yourself about anything. Why? Because your preferences start off with, "I would very much like or prefer to have success, approval, or comfort," and then end with the conclusion, "But I don't have to have it. I won't die without it. And I could be happy {though not as happy} without it.
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  8. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    You are still a person who completed a perfect project, but never a good person for doing so." "How, then, do I become an incompetent or bad person?" "You don't! When you do incompetent or evil acts, you become a person who acted badly-never a bad person.
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  9. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    REBT, then, helps you not only to understand what you "are" but to change what you harmfully think, feel, and do. It accepts your desires, wishes, preferences, goals, and values, then tries to help you achieve them. But REBT shows you how to separate your preferences from your insistences-and thus keep from sabotaging your own goals. It gives you insight into what you are now doing rather than into what you {and your damned parents!} have done.
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  10. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    insight will help you very little.
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  11. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    Unconditional Self-Acceptance {USA} instead of Conditional Self-Esteem {CSE}. You rate and evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to your main Goals of remaining alive and reasonably happy to see whether they aid these Goals. When they aid them, you rate that as "good" or "effective," and when they sabotage your Goals you rate that as "bad" or "ineffective." But you always-yes, always-accept and respect yourself, your personhood, your being, whether or not you perform well and whether or not other people approve of you and your behaviors.
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  12. Albert Ellis _ How To Stubbornly Refuse To

    Because when you don't perform remarkably well the next time, back to slobhood you will go! And even when you do perform well, you will be anxious about not doing so next time. So you had better like your fine performance-but not deify yourself for doing it.
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