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Home Page » Categories » Dark humor

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

josh stern And That's Why...
I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

I grunted, hauling the rope hand over hand. A plaintive squeak came from the pulley system with each draw, as if I had strapped some unfortunate mouse to a torture device and was twisting with glee.

Brandon Sanderson Steelheart
I grunted, hauling the rope hand over hand. A plaintive squeak came from the pulley system with each draw, as if I had strapped some unfortunate mouse to a torture device and was twisting with glee.

"Stay in your boats," Dahra said. "We're still going to need food. Throw your fish onto the dock. I'll get Albert to send someone here to collect it. Then go back out, row up the coast a little ways,...

Michael Grant Plague
"Stay in your boats," Dahra said. "We're still going to need food. Throw your fish onto the dock. I'll get Albert to send someone here to collect it. Then go back out, row up the coast a little ways, and camp out."

"Camp out?" Quinn echoed.

"Yes!"

"You're serious."

"No, it's my idea of a joke, Quinn," Dahra snapped. "Pookie just coughed up a lung and fell over dead. You understand what I'm saying? I mean he coughed his actual lungs out of his mouth."

You're covered in blood again." "I really am." "Why are you always covered in blood when I wake up after being unconscious?" "Usually for the same reason you were unconscious, I think."

G.S. Jennsen Vertigo
You're covered in blood again." "I really am." "Why are you always covered in blood when I wake up after being unconscious?" "Usually for the same reason you were unconscious, I think."

"Of course they were eaten," he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. "Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians."

Adele Rose
"Of course they were eaten," he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. "Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians."

Kat laughed. 'Who wants to live forever?'Kish put his hand up. 'For the record, I do.'Sin scowled at him. 'Then why do you irritate me so often?'Suicidal tendencies are inherent in my species?

Sherrilyn Kenyon Devil May Cry
Kat laughed. 'Who wants to live forever?'Kish put his hand up. 'For the record, I do.'Sin scowled at him. 'Then why do you irritate me so often?'Suicidal tendencies are inherent in my species?

By four o'clock, I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the entire world instead.

Warren Ellis Transmetropolita...
By four o'clock, I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the entire world instead.

A blacksmith can go anywhere. A detective inspector only goes where the dead bodies are. "But there aren't any dead people here today." Mina glanced over her shoulder at the chest Newberry carried....

Meljean Brook The Iron Duke
A blacksmith can go anywhere. A detective inspector only goes where the dead bodies are. "But there aren't any dead people here today." Mina glanced over her shoulder at the chest Newberry carried. "That's why I brought my own."

Now that, my friends, is what we vampires call a good exit.

Chloe Neill Twice Bitten
Now that, my friends, is what we vampires call a good exit.

All right,” Vishous muttered. “I’ll be back when I know something.” “Please don’t send that angel.” “Nah. That would make your punishment cruel and unusual.”

J.R. Ward The Chosen
All right,” Vishous muttered. “I’ll be back when I know something.” “Please don’t send that angel.” “Nah. That would make your punishment cruel and unusual.”

Qhuinn smiled, baring his fangs. 'Has anyone ever shown you the difference between good touch and bad touch?' Cause I'd love to demonstrate. We could start right now.

J.R. Ward Lover Unbound
Qhuinn smiled, baring his fangs. 'Has anyone ever shown you the difference between good touch and bad touch?' Cause I'd love to demonstrate. We could start right now.

Memphis and I both looked at Olaf, as if he'd spoken in tongues. I think neither of us had expected anything useful from the corpse fondling. Damn.

Laurell K. Hamilton Skin Trade
Memphis and I both looked at Olaf, as if he'd spoken in tongues. I think neither of us had expected anything useful from the corpse fondling. Damn.

Eve: She told me last! Shane: Boyfriend! Michael: Landlord! Eve: Crap. Right. Next time you sell your soul to the devil, I get first contact!

Rachel Caine Midnight Alley
Eve: She told me last! Shane: Boyfriend! Michael: Landlord! Eve: Crap. Right. Next time you sell your soul to the devil, I get first contact!

Quinn glanced at me. "Gonna make it?" "Yeah, yeah," I answered. "Though what's the point? Mom's going to kill us anyway." "True." "If that thing doesn't kill us first," I added when the stench of rot...

Alyxandra Harvey Blood Moon
Quinn glanced at me. "Gonna make it?" "Yeah, yeah," I answered. "Though what's the point? Mom's going to kill us anyway." "True." "If that thing doesn't kill us first," I added when the stench of rot and mushrooms hit us.

I dipped my head so I could look into his eyes. The monster at my table looked ready to cry. I'd managed to make a teenager depressed. Maybe I could shoot some fish in a barrel for an encore.

Ilona Andrews Magic Slays
I dipped my head so I could look into his eyes. The monster at my table looked ready to cry. I'd managed to make a teenager depressed. Maybe I could shoot some fish in a barrel for an encore.

If there is anything I can do, I'll help. Don't get excited. It's not because of you. For the child. If it wasn't for her and the flare, I'd throw your dumb ass out of this window. "What does the...

Ilona Andrews Magic Burns
If there is anything I can do, I'll help. Don't get excited. It's not because of you. For the child. If it wasn't for her and the flare, I'd throw your dumb ass out of this window. "What does the flare have to do with it?" "I don't want it to be attributed to a loss of control on my part. When I throw you out of the window, I want there to be no doubt the act was deliberate."

Asshole cunt peepee fuck. Ah, grinned Old Sludge, showing his one tooth, going to the company store to get some algae chewies, huh? Goddamn poopoo, I would grin back at him.

Dan Simmons Hyperion
Asshole cunt peepee fuck. Ah, grinned Old Sludge, showing his one tooth, going to the company store to get some algae chewies, huh? Goddamn poopoo, I would grin back at him.

It's just too bad they have to die. They're totally bangable, you know? Bangable, Taylor mouthed in disgust. She wanted to show this boy another meaning for the word bang, and it involved his head...

Libba Bray Beauty Queens
It's just too bad they have to die. They're totally bangable, you know? Bangable, Taylor mouthed in disgust. She wanted to show this boy another meaning for the word bang, and it involved his head against a steel door.

"And then you rushed off afterward because of that business with the barber in Gleam Street." "Sweeney Jones," said Vimes. "Well, he was killing people, Sybil. The best you could say is that he didn't...

Terry Pratchett The building
"And then you rushed off afterward because of that business with the barber in Gleam Street." "Sweeney Jones," said Vimes. "Well, he was killing people, Sybil. The best you could say is that he didn't mean to. He was just very bad at shaving."

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.

Nick Hornby High Fidelity

It all jibed, and the books would close on Jasper as death by misadventure. Unofficially, Eve labeled it death by stupidity, but there wasn't a place on the sheet for that particular observation. -...

J.D. Robb Visions in Death
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