Satire - Dual-Language Quotes That Speak to the Heart

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As a comedian and satirist you have to be neutral, because everyone's fair game. Once you show bias, you lose that. — Bill Bailey

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. — Groucho Marx

Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire. — Bill Cosby

President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. — Kilburn Hall

She's been, but she's coming back, he said. I expect her every minute. Ah! there she is. This was rather stupid of Stephen. He ought to have guessed that Lucia's second appearance was officially intended to be her first. He grasped that when she squeezed her way through the crowd and greeted him as if they had not met before that morning. And dearest Adele, she said. What a crush! Tell me quickly, where are the caricatures of Pepino and me? I'm dying to see them; and when I see them no doubt I shall wish I was dead. The light of Luciaphilism came into Adele's intelligent eyes... — E. F. Benson Lucia in London

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why, Cause Santa Claus might put a cap in your ass. — Craig Ferguson

As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playing cards. That's right, it's true! Apparently no one noticed until someone laid down a full house and the dealer died. — Elle Lothlorien Alice in...

In some cases, it is the woman's stomach - not her heart - that has left her man for another. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana The Selfish...

Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord? Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it! — Richard Curtis

"Listen, Peaches, is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them." — Terry Pratchett The Amazing...

Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying: Learn, guys. — Neil Gaiman Good Omens: The...

opened the vial of holy water and dumped it in with the wipes. I could practically see the ad campaign: Blessed be your baby's bottom … Now with Aloe! — Julie Kenner The Trouble with...

It's just too bad they have to die. They're totally bangable, you know? Bangable, Taylor mouthed in disgust. She wanted to show this boy another meaning for the word bang, and it involved his head against a steel door. — Libba Bray Beauty Queens

"... I hid myself between two leaves of sorrel, and there discharged the necessities of nature." — Jonathan Swift Gulliver's...

Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation. — Douglas Adams The Hitchhiker's...

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.

As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in the eye...

...in the worst of circumstances, the hypocrite who pretends to be good does less harm than the public sinner.

Invisible things are the only realities. — Edgar Allan Poe Loss of Breath

... the sea pirates who had the most to do with the creation of the newgovernment owned human slaves. They used human beings for machinery, and, evenafter slavery was eliminated, because it was so...

Today Birthdays

1856 - George Bernard Shaw 1894 - Aldous Huxley 1875 - Carl Jung 1945 - M. John Harrison 1928 - Stanley Kubrick 1945 - Helen Mirren 1971 - Scott Cawthon 1956 - Andy Goldsworthy 1943 - Mick Jagger 1965 - Jimmy Dore 1897 - Paul Gallico 1842 - Alfred Marshall 1928 - Elliott Erwitt 1959 - Kevin Spacey 1939 - John Howard 1984 - Grace Gealey 1986 - Monica Raymund 1941 - Darlene Love 1964 - Sandra Bullock 1973 - Kate Beckinsale 1893 - George Grosz 1984 - Leigh Lezark 1951 - Daniel Everett 1933 - Edmund Phelps 1968 - Olivia Williams 1961 - Gary Cherone 1993 - Taylor Momsen 1957 - Nana Visitor 1974 - Genevieve Gorder 1967 - Tim Schafer

The Red Lion was a four-ale bar with a handful of lowbrowed sons of toil who looked as though they...

What could you do? Major Major asked himself again. What could you do with a man who looked you...

If I turned towards books, it was because they were the only sanctuary I knew, one I needed in order...

We all had to pay, but not for the crimes we were accused of. There were other scores to settle.

Hope for some means its loss for others; when the hopeless regain some hope, those in power--the...

Why are they going to disappear him? I don't know. It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good...

Keep in mind that when we talk of a great painting we are not really talking about anything great....

if you don't understand something, you can't approximate it. You're really just guessing.

Read me back the last line. 'Read me back the last line,' read back the corporal who could take...

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