Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.

Get out of people's way and let them be who they are. If they make a mistake, fine, that's on them.

I don't ever want to be financially reliant upon stand-up because it's so pure, and it's something that I can do without worrying about whether or not getting gigs is going to allow me to pay the...

I put the cameras on her and told her to be obnoxious as she could possibly could be. She was.

I was really shy as a kid.

I'm really hard on myself about sticking to plans and seeing things through.

I had probably never met a non-Jew until the age of 12.

I used to think no one should go into show biz, but now I feel differently. I now feel like it's a great career. If you can do it and make money at it and still not be so famous that you can have a...

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'

I'm not going to crack America.

I had been laughed at my whole life through school, and I never really thought of it as a vocation. I mean, I started off as a soldier, and then I went into the university thinking I was going to be a...

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

I kind of write in my own little world.

Virtually any practical task becomes chaos within seconds of me getting near it.

I just want to put some positive stuff out there. If it works, great. If it doesn't, no problem.

It's almost embarrassing how much support I have. I mean, I always tell people I feel like I'm perfectly set up to have cancer. I have great health insurance, I have a savings account. I have work...

Folk music was out there. Clubs were springing up and they were hot with the college kids.

Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

There's a side that I want to do just like really retarded arty films like parody, pretentious art films that kind of are supposed to have some deep meaning.

I'm really excited to get into the horror-comedy space.

What makes a good festival, above all, is the audience. It feels disconnected when it's meant to bring in people from elsewhere and not meant for the people who actually live there.

I think making a documentary gets you out and about more, with people. With stand-up, you're talking at people. With documentaries you're talking with people, and you're listening a lot more.

When you tour as much as I do, you're always on the road, and you tend to gravitate toward cities where you're like, 'Every time I'm in that city, the shows are fun.'

Nobody wanted to help me get my start, not to mention it's tough being a female in a man's world of stand-up comedy. It's a very competitive world, and it was a challenge to find my own voice, stick...

I'm a really huge fan of papaya juice.

If what you do in life is perform to open up eyes and minds, to make people laugh, then it better damn well be new! It shouldn't be just a repetitious 'Hey, I'm still here!'

I was seen as a little weirdo. But I was certain I wasn't a weirdo. I knew who the weirdos were, and it wasn't me!

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

I guess the dream would be to do movies, and keep people updated with my videos.