I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its...

I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it psychological? {Was it Mom and Dad's fault?{ Was it just temporal, a 'bad time' in my life? {When the divorce ends will the depression end with it?} Was it genetic? {Melancholy, called by many names, has run through my family for generations, along with its sad bride, Alcoholism.} Was it cultural? {Is this just the fallout of postfeminist American career girl trying to find balance in an increasingly stressful alienting urban world?} Was it astrological? {Am I so sad because I'm a thin-skinned Cancer whose major signs are all ruled by unstable Gemini?} Was it artistic? {Don't creative people always suffer from depression because we're so supersensitive and special?} Was it evolutionary? {Do I carry in me the residual panic that comes after millennia of my species' attempting to survive a brutal world?} Was it karmic? {Are all these spasms of grief just the consequences of bad behavior in previous lifetimes, the last obstacles before liberation?} Was it hormonal? Dietary? Philosophical? Seasonal? Environmental? Was I tapping into a universal yearning for God? Did I have a chemical imbalance? Or did I just need to get laid?

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