I stayed, as always, at 37 Mapesbury, and on publication day my father came into...

I stayed, as always, at 37 Mapesbury, and on publication day my father came into my bedroom, pale and shaking, holding The Times in his hands. He said, fearfully, "You're in the papers." There was a very nice essay-review in the paper which called Migraine "balanced, authoritative, brilliant," or something of the sort. But so far as my father was concerned, this made no difference; I had committed a grave impropriety, if not a criminal folly, by being in the papers. In those days, one might be struck off the Medical Register in England for any indulgence in "the four As": alcoholism, addiction, adultery, or advertising; my father thought that a review of Migraine in the general press might be seen as advertising. I had gone public, made myself visible. He himself always had, or believed he had, a "low profile." He was known to and beloved by his patients, family, and friends, but not to a wider world. I had crossed a boundary, transgressed, and he feared for me. This coincided with feelings I had had myself, and in those days I often misread the word "publish" as "punish." I felt that I would be punished if I published anything, and yet I had to; this conflict almost tore me apart.

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