Nothing embarrassed her. I was so envious of her, because she was all the time embarrassed and suffered from this. She loved to jump on the bed. She jumped for so many years that once before my eyes the seams parted on the mattress. A small room was filled with feathers. Our laughter did not allow them to settle. I thought about birds. Could they fly if no one had laughed anywhere?
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The passage reflects the contrasting emotional states of two characters, one who experiences no embarrassment and the other who is plagued by it. The narrator feels a deep envy toward the carefree nature of the other person, admiring her ability to embrace joy without the weight of self-consciousness. This stark difference highlights the narrator's inner struggle with social anxiety and the burdens it brings.

The scene described, where joyful laughter fills a room as laughter leads to a sudden burst of feathers from a broken mattress, symbolizes the freedom associated with laughter and innocence. The narrator connects this moment to a broader contemplation about birds, questioning if joy and laughter are necessary for the act of flying. This philosophical musing suggests that without a sense of humor or lightness, one might struggle to rise above life's challenges.

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February 21, 2025

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