And I don't know what difference it made, this sudden flash. It wasn't like I wanted to, you know, grab life in a passionate embrace and vow never to let it go until it let go of me. In a way, it makes things worse, not better. Once you stop pretending that everything's shitty and you can't wait to get out of it, which is the story I'd been telling myself for a while, then it gets more painful, not less. Telling yourself life is shit is like an anesthetic, and when you stop taking the Advil, then you really can tell how much it hurts, and where, and it's not like that kind of pain does anyone a whole lot of good.
The quote highlights a moment of awakening that feels overwhelming rather than liberating. The narrator expresses a reluctance to fully embrace life despite experiencing a sudden burst of awareness. This realization sheds light on the struggles they were previously able to dull with denial and negative self-talk. Instead of finding relief, acknowledging the pain reveals how deep and pervasive it really is.
This new understanding can make life's challenges feel even more intense, as the act of facing reality strips away the protective layers of avoidance. The narrator likens this process to stopping an anesthetic, where the sudden clarity exposes the rawness of emotions and situations that were previously masked. Ultimately, this can lead to a deeper discomfort rather than a neat resolution, suggesting that grappling with the truth of one’s circumstances is often a more painful journey than expected.
