As it happened I did not grow up to be the kind of woman who is the heroine in a Western, and although the men I have known have had many virtues and have taken me to live in many places I have come to love, they have never been John Wayne, and they have never taken me to that bend in the river where the cottonwoods grow. Deep in that part of my heart where the artificial rain forever falls, that is still the line I wait to hear.
Joan Didion reflects on her realization that she does not fit the archetype of a heroic woman in a Western film. While the men in her life have been admirable and have introduced her to new places, they haven't embodied the larger-than-life persona of figures like John Wayne. This dissonance illustrates her longing for a romanticized ideal that she associates with adventure and fulfillment.
Despite her experiences and the virtues of her companions, Didion reveals a sense of unfulfilled longing. The phrase about waiting for a line signifies her yearning for an unattainable ideal that continues to resonate deep within her. Her writing captures a bittersweet acknowledgment of her reality contrasted with an enduring dream of an idyllic life that feels perpetually out of reach.
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