In "Iron John," Robert Bly draws a poignant contrast between the vitality of a living tree and the stark reality of ashes, symbolizing the inevitable diminishment that comes with aging. He suggests that for men over thirty, recognizing this decline is crucial for personal growth. Failing to confront this reality allows them to remain in a state of inflation, clinging to youthful impulses and airy aspirations that may prevent meaningful connection and commitment.

Bly emphasizes that some American men exhibit a certain "coolness," which he attributes to their avoidance of confronting the ashes of their own experiences. This avoidance leads to a disconnection from deeper emotions and responsibilities. By engaging with the concept of diminishment, men can move beyond superficial aspects of identity and truly engage with the depths of their being, encouraging a more honest and fulfilling life.