At least some of the time, the world appears to me as a painting by Hieronymous Bosch; were I to follow my conscience then, it would lead me out onto the desert with Marion Faye, out to where he stood in The Deer Park looking east to Los Alamos and praying, as if for rain, that it would happen: '…let it come and clear the rot and the stench and the stink, let it come for all of everywhere, just so it comes and the world stands clear in the white dead dawn.

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The world, through the author's eyes, is reminiscent of a surreal and chaotic painting by Hieronymous Bosch, filled with vivid and unsettling imagery. The author reflects on the overwhelming complexity and beauty of life, suggesting a longing for clarity amidst the chaos. This desire to follow one's conscience signifies a deeper search for meaning and understanding, hinting at a personal journey towards truth.

In this contemplative moment, the author draws a parallel between their own experiences and the character Marion Faye's contemplations in "The Deer Park." There exists a yearning for purification and renewal, a hope for a transformative visitation that will cleanse the world of its myriad troubles and restore clarity to life. The imagery of praying for a clear dawn symbolizes a deep and universal desire for redemption and the simplicity that often accompanies a fresh start.

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January 29, 2025

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