Become a great artist. That is the only way to justify what you are doing to everyone's life.'... I did not understand what he meant. I did not feel I had to justify anything... I did not want to paint in order to justify anything, I wanted to paint because I wanted to paint. I wanted to paint the same way my father wanted to travel and work for the Rebbe. My father worked for Torah. I worked for - what? How could I explain it? For beauty? No. Many of the pictures I painted were not beautiful. For what, then? For a truth I did not know how to put into words. For truth I could only bring to life by means of color and line and texture and form.
The passage expresses a profound conflict between the necessity of creating art and the expectation to justify one's purpose through it. The narrator grapples with the idea that becoming a great artist is seen as a means to validate his existence and contributions to society, a notion he struggles to accept. He feels no obligation to conform his creativity to external purposes; rather, his desire to paint stems from an intrinsic motivation that defies explanation.
He reflects on his father's dedication to Torah, drawing a parallel to his own passion for art. For him, painting is not about achieving beauty or fitting a specific narrative but about conveying a deeper truth that words cannot capture. This truth is expressed through the vivid interplay of colors, lines, and forms, emphasizing that his artistry is an exploration of personal expression rather than a means of justification.