The author humorously reflects on dining options in Scotland, noting that everything offered was unmistakably Scottish, which did not appeal to him as an Iowan. He specifically mentions traditional dishes like haggis, neeps, and tatties, along with local snacks such as Tunnock's teacakes and haggis-flavored chips. Additionally, he jests about Mrs. Tilly's Scottish Tablet, envisioning it as a foot-soaking remedy rather than a sweet treat.

The drinks menu was equally Scottish, including Tennent's lager, which he chose. Overall, the narrative paints a vivid picture of the cultural disparity in food preferences, using humor to express his discomfort with the menu that represents a deep Scottish tradition, far removed from his own Midwestern roots.