He muttered to himself. Why bother. Why does this matter so much. What difference does it make to anything if I solve this blue and just start again. I could just sit down and drink wine. I could go and be useful in a cholera-camp in Columbia or Ethiopia. Why bother to render the transparency in solid paint or air on a bit of board? I could just stop. He could not.
The protagonist finds himself in a moment of existential reflection, questioning the significance of his artistic endeavors. He mutters to himself, grappling with the challenge of creating something meaningful, specifically regarding a blue he is trying to render. The struggle evokes doubts about the value of art compared to more practical pursuits, such as assisting in humanitarian efforts abroad. His thoughts reveal a desire to escape the pressure of creativity and the relentless pursuit of perfection in his work.
Despite his temptation to abandon his creative efforts in favor of simpler pleasures like drinking wine or engaging in altruistic activities, the protagonist acknowledges that he cannot simply give up. This internal conflict illustrates the tension between the allure of immediate gratification and the deeper calling of artistic expression. Ultimately, he stands on the brink of surrender, yet a part of him pushes forward, indicating that the pursuit of art, with all its challenges, remains an integral part of his identity.
