He thought of it as a contest, like the children at school who would twist your arm and say Give in? Give in? until you did; then they would let go. He didn't love me, it was an idea of himself he loved and he wanted someone to join him, anyone would do, I didn't matter so I didn't have to care.
In Margaret Atwood's "Surfacing," the protagonist reflects on a relationship that feels more like a competition than a bond. She likens it to childhood games where one child twists another's arm to seek submission. This analogy highlights the lack of genuine affection; instead of love, there is a desire for control and validation. The speaker recognizes that her partner is more enamored with his own self-image than with her as an individual.
As the realization sinks in, she understands her inconsequentiality in the dynamic. She becomes aware that she is not irreplaceable; he simply craves companionship to bolster his sense of self. This sense of detachment liberates her from emotional investment, allowing her to acknowledge that she doesn’t have to care because the emotional foundation of the relationship is built on superficiality rather than genuine connection.
